Not D&D Related

We used to sing this song in German class. I'd heard a joke version of it in Disney's "The Three Little Pigs" and was rather surprised it's an actual song. This little ditty has been satirized in many other places ...

You'll find a lot of bad translations out there on Google so you'll just have to take my word this is better than many you'll see. Of course, Americanized dialects of German may have some differences, this is German how I learned it in school. Last of all, you'll also find some disagreement about the translation of schnitzelbank. All I can say to that is, again, beware Google and online translation services.

oh, du schone Schnitzelbank!
a Sauflied (song for drunkards)

Ist das nicht eine Schnitzelbank?
Ja, das ist eine Schnitzelbank.

kurz und lang
hin und her
kreuz und quer
Schiessgewehr
Wagenrad
krumm und grad
grosses Glass
Ochsenblas
Haufen Mist (pronounced "misht")
Schnickelfritz
dicke Frau
fette Sau
langer Mann
Tannenbaum
Hochzeitsring
gefaehrliches Ding

O - Die Schoenheit an der Wand - Ja das ist eine Schnitzelbank.

Is that not a wood carver's bench?
Yes, that is a wood carver's bench!

Short and long
Back and forth
Criss-cross (often paraphrased as all over the place)
Rifle (or gun, shotgun, shooting rifle, etc.)
Wagon wheel (rad does not mean red!)
Crooked and straight (or curved and ...)
Large glass
Ox bladder (not ox horn or pale ox)
Manure heap (lit. pile/heap of sh**)
Mischievous boy (like Dennis the Menace)
Fat wife
Fat pig
Tall man
Christmas tree (or fir tree)
Wedding ring
Dangerous thing (a dragon is usually pictured)

Oh the beauty on the wall
Yes that is a wood carver's bench!